For some, it’s the key frame of reference when describing an awful club experience; for others it’s a chance to wax lyrical about a place where pretty much anything goes.
It’s like the last days of Rome, only with 100 per cent more off-brand energy drinks and girls fighting in lamé tights and heels.
In short, there’s no where else like it. Here’s a few of our favourite things about London’s cheesiest club:
1. The vibe
Looking for an unpretentious night out? Nobody's going to side-eye you for singing out loud to your favourite song here.
2. The floors
The
sticky tiles underneath your feet will remind you not to dance and
after a few jars, that kind of reminder can be invaluable.
3. The bants (sorry)
You’ll
never be short of conversation: I once saw a woman throw up into her
friend’s handbag and then saunter back over to the bar for more shots.
That’s surefire dialogue lube.
4. The music
Reminds you of your misspent youth. Actually, genuinely, totally not that terrible. Honest.
5. The clientele
Sometimes
it’s nice to know that pretty much every awful person south of the
river is under one roof, just so you can keep an eye on them all.
6. The odds
You’ll
be felt-up at least five times on a night out here, guaranteed. Male or
female, young or old, no one is unattractive in this place.
7. The smell
You
know the one. Sweat, vodka and desperation with overtones of fear
thrown in for good measure. There’s nowhere else on Earth that smells
like this place – and we love it.
8. The fish
Don’t forget: at the end of the night, you leave this place far behind. These guys have to stay. Forever. Such troopers.
9. The décor
It’s
like John Travolta ate too many Saturday Night Fevers in 1978 and threw
up in here. And then they never cleaned it up. Lovely.
10. The taxi rank
It’s right outside, which is so convenient. Your ticket out of here, fast.
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